pop-isms

i drove to greenville today to spend some time with my paternal grandfather, pop. he isn't much of a talker (and never has been), but when he does speak up, he always provides a laugh - without meaning to and without realizing it. today was no exception. here are a few of the conversations he and i had:

tv addict
- pop: thanks for driving me to the doctor, ashton. i hate having to depend on people like this, but my vision's just so bad. half the time i see double, and half the time everything's blurry.
- ash: oh, i don't mind. i'm glad to spend some time with you.
- p: well, i'm just glad i'm not a tv addict.
- a: sir?
- p: i'm glad i'm not a tv addict. 'cuz with my eyes like they are, i can hardly watch tv anymore. if i was a tv addict, i don't know what i'd do.
- a: oh, i'm sorry. well, are you still able to read? i know you love to read.
- p: oh, yeah! whenever i read, everything's just as plain as day. it's just that tv that gives me problems. yep, i'm glad i'm not a tv addict.
(later... at his apartment)
- p: you want to watch tv? you have anything you watch in the afternoons?
- a: oh, i don't care. is there something you want to watch?
- p: awww, nah. i don't watch tv hardly ever, especially not in the afternoons. here, you take the remote and find something you like.
- a: okay, well, let's just see what's on.
(tv comes on)
- p: do you watch ellen? it's three. ellen's on. you want to watch ellen?
- a: sure, that'd be fine with me.
- p: you watch oprah? she's on next. at four. we can watch her too.

big rooms
- p: you see that building right there?
(he points to the new surgical hospital)
- a: yes sir.
- p: that's the new branch of the hospital. it sure is nice. they've got these nice big rooms and actually enough staff to take care of the patients. that's where i wanted them to send me. but they didn't give me a choice. they just sent me over to that old place across town. i asked susan [his daughter] if we could just tell them i might need surgery so i could get in, but she said we weren't allowed to do that. i don't know why i couldn't stay there. mary [his sister-in-law] got to stay there.
- a: well, i think she needed surgery.
- p: yeah, i just like those big rooms. i still don't see why i couldn't have one of those big rooms. it sure is nice there.

water
- p: you want something to drink? all i have to offer you is gatorade or water.
- a: oh, i'd love some water. that's all i drink, so water'd be great.
- p: yeah, those doctors are always telling me to drink more water. but i don't want to.
- a: well, pop, water's good for you.
- p: yeah, but it goes right through me. i drink a glass and i'm running to the bathroom. there's no sense in that.
(pause... he fixes himself a glass of water)
- p: cold water chills my insides. so what am i supposed to do?
(pause)
- p: i hate water. period.

and my personal favorite...

politicians
(silence... we've been sitting in the car for about two minutes without speaking)
- p: i just don't know how those politicians do it.
- a: do what, pop?
- p: talk all the time. they stand up there and give those hour long speeches. i'm hoarse just from talking to you.

well, blogfans, there you have it: the inner-workings of my 79 year old grandfather's mind. :)